Introduction


The General Approach this Guide Takes
This guide teaches how to give and receive erotic massage. It discusses how to
help your partner relax, and discusses how to help your partner experience
extended or multiple orgasms as part of your massage. A common arrangement is
for one partner to receive a massage first, and then to return the favor, but
of course how you choose to arrange this is up to you and your partner.
It's best to perform erotic massage while your partner is lying on a massage
table of some kind. After preparing your space to be warm and pleasing, you can
start with a sensual and relaxing general massage before shifting the focus to
your partner's sex centers. The idea is to bring your partner to high levels of
arousal, and keep him or her there for a while. For men, this is best done
through verbal or non-verbal communication which allows stimulation to be
slowed down, changed, or stopped before ejaculation becomes inevitable
(stimulation then continues in a few moments, after the urgency fades). For
women, this is best done by using G-Spot and/or clitoral massage to bring her
to multiple orgasms, which naturally tend to take place over an extended period
of time.

Erotic massage can work equally well for same-sex as for opposite-sex partners.
Additionally, as having someone pleasure you with their hands doesn't tend to
bring up the same set of cultural fears and judgments that oral sex or
intercourse sometimes do, it sometimes works well even when your partner isn't
of a gender you are normally attracted to.

Preliminaries

Lubrication

One similarity between men and women is that some sort of lubricant needs to be
used when massaging their genitals: this will make the experience more
pleasurable and prevent sore spots from developing. One difference between men
and women is that one may use oil-based, water-based, or silicone-based
lubricants on men, while one should use only water-based lubricants on women to
avoid encouraging vaginal infections.

For genital massage on men, or for
massage elsewhere on a man or woman's body, you can purchase special massage
oils at massage supply shops or else just use a light vegetable oil (such as
Safflower, Sunflower, or grape seed) from the supermarket. Lubricants and oils
should be reapplied as necessary, so it's good to keep them handy.
It's very convenient to have flip-top squeeze bottles for lubes and oils, and
one of those massage oil "belts" that massage supply shops sell.


Since many of
these belts have two pockets, you could use one for lube and the other for
massage oil. Be sure lubes and oils are warm before putting them on someone; if
you wish you can run hot tap water over your flip-top bottles for a few minutes
before using them, or maybe you could just keep the plastic bottles in a bowl
of warm water instead of using a belt.

It's also a good idea to put lubricants
in your hand before applying them so you have a chance to rub your hands
together to warm them if necessary. Oh, and one final word of advice: please be
sure any water-based lube you may be using DOESN'T contain Nonoxynol-9. In this
context Nonoxynol-9 is unlikely to do anything but irritate.

Giving Your Erotic Massage

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Relaxing Your Partner's Body

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Start by connecting with your partner. There may be specific ways you and your
partner prefer to do this. If not, try kind words, soft gazing into each
other's eyes, synchronized breathing, and/or caressing each others' faces or
hands.


When both of you are ready, have your partner lie face down, naked, on the
massage table. Start by quieting and focusing your mind while resting your
hands on the receiving partner's upper and lower back. Then, perform a relaxing
massage on the back, legs, and feet. Basic principles of relaxing massage
include keeping your hands in contact with your partner, taking your time,
being rhythmic yet sensitive, and proceeding from long gliding strokes to
deeper ones. When giving a massage be sure to use good body mechanics: use your
body weight rather than arm strength for deep strokes, during gliding strokes
keep your knees slightly bent and fluid, and don't lean over the table.


After relaxing your partner's back, legs, and feet, have him or her turn over.
Massage the chest, arms, and hands. Then glide down to the legs. It can feel
good to brush the genitals when going down to the legs. After finishing the
fronts of the legs and feet, glide back up and slowly brush over the genitals,
teasing them. This teasing process can be drawn out by brushing the inner
thighs near the genitals, very lightly touching the pubic region, etc. At this
point erotic energy is often building, making it a natural time to start
shifting the focus to more explicitly sexual activities.


Especially if this is your first massage with this partner, it's a good idea to
look into your partner's eyes while cradling his or her genitals, and somehow
ask his or her permission to go further. The rest of the massage will focus on
the genitals, with periodic sweeps up and down the body to spread, balance, and
integrate the sensations. One of the skills that comes with practice is being
able to read the energy and arousal levels of your partner, and smoothly and
gradually ramp up from relaxing massage to more arousing and sexual massage.

Pleasuring Your Partner's Sex Centers - Male

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Suggested Genital Massage Strokes

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There are many different massage strokes that feel good on male genitals.
Unless he indicates otherwise, it's usually safe to assume that firm and
consistent stroking will feel best. I'm going to present a few favorite strokes
below, but you can make up your own, refer to Appendix A, or examine the
resources in this guide's "Learning More about Massage" section to learn dozens
of additional strokes. One approach that some people favor is selecting two
favorite strokes, and for a period of time alternating between them every once
in a while.


"Healing Stroke" - With the penis resting on the belly, cup the balls with one
hand. The heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the underside
of the penis all the way to the tip. (Body Electric School handout)


"Anvil Stroke" - Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top
all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile bring
your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat the stroke, creating an
alternating motion. (internet Alt.Sex FAQ)


"Climbing the Mountain" - Take the penis in one hand and gently, sensuously
caress it for about ten seconds, then give it one quick up-and-down stroke.
Repeat the sensuous caressing for about ten seconds (perhaps using slow
up-and-down strokes), and then give the penis two quick up-and-down strokes.
Repeat the caressing, then give three quick strokes, etc. Continue until
ejaculation approaches inevitability. (SM 101, 2nd Ed.)

Pleasuring Your Partner's Sex Centers

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Female
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Introduction

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Female sexual response is often significantly different from male sexual
response, in the following ways:

Female arousal tends to be more closely tied to emotional states, and feelings
of warmth towards her partner.


Many women can come in two distinctly different ways: through G-Spot
stimulation and through clitoral stimulation. Many women characterize the
clitoral orgasms as "sharper" and the G-Spot orgasms as "deeper".


Women often vary considerably in what type of sexual stimulation they like, and
how they like it done.


Female arousal usually takes longer to build, but can often last longer and be
more intense than that which men commonly experience.
Women can often have multiple orgasms, if stimulation continues following the
first (especially with G-Spot stimulation).


It's because of #5 that the basic approach to erotic massage differs between
women and men. Since women can sometimes enjoy stimulation all the way through
one orgasm and into the next, there is little or no need for them to hold back
in any way. Having orgasms in a series can cause arousal levels to float for a
long time at a very high level.



Suggested Types of Stimulation
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Women vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation, so you
need to be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their partners to
begin with gentle rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow this with clitoral
stimulation, and to finish with G-Spot stimulation or G-Spot AND clitoral
stimulation.

Please be aware that neither clitoral stimulation nor any sort of
vaginal penetration usually feels good unless a woman is already in a fairly
high state of arousal. When performing genital massage on women one often has a
"free hand" which may be used to glide over the rest of her body, tease her
nipples, massage her perineum, caress her face, form "connections" with other
parts of her body (by stimulating some other part of her body at the same time
as you are pleasuring her genitals), etc.


Although the genital massage styles presented below are some of the most
commonly favored among women, there are many more.

Pleasuring Your Partner's Sex Centers - Female

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G-Spot

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- The G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina, just behind
the pubic bone about two inches in.

A woman can often tell you when you've
found her G-Spot, and it often feels more "ridged" than the surrounding tissue.


Pressing into it can be intensely pleasurable, but may cause a sensation of
needing to urinate. Female ejaculation is sometimes a result of G-Spot
stimulation; female ejaculate is NOT urine, but IS expelled through the
urethra.


One easy way to stimulate the G-Spot is with your (lubricated) first
and second fingers together (possibly starting with just your first finger).
Make rhythmic gestures inside the vagina that look like the signal to "come
here".

Alternatively, one can rub the G-Spot in a circular fashion. Generally,
it's the pads of your fingers which are pressing into her G-Spot. Another
approach is to rotate your fingers inside her vaginal barrel with even pressure
against all areas of it.

Be aware that the shape of the vagina changes as a
woman's arousal level increases. You'll probably notice the inner portion
ballooning outwards during extreme arousal, which means that your fingers will
need to rotate a little farther from center in order to maintain the same
pressure on the vaginal walls. G-spot stimulation usually only feels good when
the woman is aroused.

Pleasuring Your Partner's Sex Centers - Female
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Verbal and Non-Verbal Encouragement


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- It's helpful to encourage your partner
with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your
partner's desires).

Sexy complements, eye contact, etc. are also nice
additions. Many sexual difficulties (especially for women, it seems) stem from
worries: worrying that her partner is getting tired of pleasuring her, that she
isn't coming fast enough, etc.

Letting your receiving partner know verbally and
non-verbally that you're actively enjoying giving her pleasure can be a
powerful aphrodisiac for her.




Cocooning

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It's nice to fold the sheet/blanket combination over your partner when you two
are finished. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.

Variations and Enhancements
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Group Massage Gatherings

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These can be put on with three or more participants. Participants divide up
into groups of three or four, with one massage table per group.

Each person in
each group gets a certain amount of time on their table, and before massage
begins this person tells the other people at his or her table what he or she
would like, and what his or her limits are. This can be a lot of fun, and is a
great way to practice asking for what you want sexually (a habit which has the
power to enhance your pleasure in and of itself).

It's good to start and end
these by having everyone get in a circle, introduce themselves (if necessary),
and "check in" (i.e. say something about where they're at, what they would like
to get out of the day, what they liked about the day, etc.). It's also helpful
to have little snacks and water for people to eat and drink.

Since you may end
up giving three or four different people massages during an event like this,
it's fairly common for the host and/or hostess to ask everyone to use gloves
for all genital massage, and possibly for everyone to wash their hands before
the next person gets on the table.


For small gatherings (6-8 people) of participants who all know each other,
people can just gravitate towards whatever table and group they want when it's
time to start; for larger events or events where there will be a lot of
beginners, it's often helpful for the host or hostess to assign people to
tables so things stay balanced, nobody's feelings get hurt, and so there aren't
any tables composed entirely of novices. It's usually a good idea to put
someone in charge of bringing supplies to the event (latex gloves, massage oil
in little bottles, lube, towels, etc.), and (when lots of new folks are
involved) for the host or hostess to stay at least marginally aware of what is
going on so things stay comfortable for everyone.



These events usually work very easily for men-only or women-only groups, and
tend to work best for mixed-gender groups when at least rough gender balance is
maintained and there are at least a few experienced men and women in
attendance.

Finishing

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The "Big Draw"

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This technique for completing a massage was developed by the Body Electric
School. In the minutes preceding it the massage work should be becoming more
and more energetic, building and building.

At a certain point (counted down to
verbally, so both partners know when it's coming) massage and any other touch
ceases, the person on the table takes seven very deep breaths, and while
holding the seventh breath clenches every muscle in his or her body and rolls
his or her eyes back in his or her head (possibly assuming a tense position
with torso and legs a bit off the table, as in a "crunch") for about 10
seconds.

He or she then completely relaxes, resumes regular breathing, and the
standing person gently folds the sheets/blanket over his or her body. For
maximum effect the music should be quite "cosmic" at this point, and the person
performing the massage shouldn't touch the person on the table (who has his or
her eyes closed, or who has a blindfold on) for at least five minutes or until
the person on the table requests otherwise.

This practice can provoke profound
emotional release, and often hallucinations. Afterwards, the standing partner
opens the cocooned sheets, gently towels off any oil, helps his or her partner
to sit up, and then both partners either keep silence or say what is in their
heart. It's fun to follow the Big Draw with a hot tub or a warm bath.
It's helpful to use a pre-arranged and timed music tape. Ideally, there should
be five seconds of silence immediately following the Big Draw, and possibly
during it.

Music should have been building to that point, and should resume
with something really beautiful after the silence following the Big Draw
("Gabriel's Oboe" from The Mission soundtrack, or "With This Love" from Peter
Gabriel's Passion soundtrack, for example).